It's 'that' time again... Yes, yes, again...


sweet silent thought
Originally uploaded by alexdecarvalho
Let me be honest here; frankly speaking, when times macam now, di kala like all around me bagaikan nak ajerrr di 'paused' bagaikan segala untuk seketika masa cuma, when like semuanya macam 'merudum' jatuh menghempas ke bumi, crashing into tiny bits of pieces and all, and when life seems so practically empty, I guess, the truth is - that's the right time to turn the situation around and make full use out of it, yes?

What they say, ala... ape tu..., "positive thinking"? Haa... yes, berpikiran positif (duh, like I've never done that before - but yeah I guess this time, 'lain sikit'... Continue reading, and you'll find out 'lain' tang mananye tu...)

Well, dalam meniti hari yang azably-lonely and gloomy for that matter, merasakan dunia yang berputar, bilik yang didiami, terasa makin mengecil, getting sempit2 and sempit, bersikap "POSITIVE" or berfikiran "POSITIVE" ada kalanya, is easier said than done, that I have no doubts, betul tak? But as usual, one can always try to be and STAY positive, and keep trying harder to maintain being positive...

And after all...
When all doors are closed...

somehow He opens the window...
Kadang-kala, bukan setakat dalam dunia reality, bahkan, in these wonderful world of science, internet, blogs - Multimedia Super Corridor (tetiber...!), we, or clearly the spotlight is on moi now, masih mampu to... ape diaorang kate, 'Alpa' ; yang according to Kamus Online DBP as being 'lalai, kurang mengendahkan' and simply translated as being characterized by the act of neglect and under lack of concern.

And when times like this mendatang, we know those yang 'mengingatkan' kita/ me, are the ones who cares. But before I go further into the deep and sincere "Thanks U Ols semua for that virtual-big-tight-slap on my face to get me thinking!!!" speech, let me just say just a few more things about what I gained from just being by myself these past 2 3 days...

Yeah am not gonna hide or lie; I cried as I normally do but since "The Golden Girls" Season 5 DVD was running on my player, suddenly the 'normal 3 days 3 nights' crying came to apparently like 3 minutes je? Hiks. No seriously, this time around, its different. Because eventhough as usual I had to have people knocking2 knock2 my head the first 10 times before realizing my mistakes or act of neglect, kurang sense of caring for others and all, this time it's different sebab someone used a different approach to knock me up, slap me tight and giving what I deserved and made me terduduk sejenak and think bebetul! So that's why the cryin' ended kindda sooner than I expected... (eventhough what I got sebagai balasannn was not even near half of what I did wrong tu, yang jauh lebih teruk la gamaknye, kan? )

But that didn't mean I was all up and chirpy like yet another festive season is just around the corner. This time, the 'Thinking Deep' controlled me at most of the times. Reading comments made by fellow friends (ignoring lalats - because they don't worth me pikir2kan pun since God knows who the fudge they are in real pun, kan?), as well as dealing with the matters i.e. problems and facing it, took most of my time by simply just being alone. Note; this is not 'merajuk' but it's one of those times you just nak 'be alone' so that you have the remaining spaces all for yourself to sit down, analyze and think and if possible, try to correct; if it's uncorrectable, I guess, it's just not your luck - or should I say, not MY luck! Takpa, takpa... luck bukan nak mai slalu noh?

As I continue this erm, mission? No, quest? Errr no... ahhh... As I continue to baring and 'melangut' nengok ceiling bilik, going through long and silently-dead nights doin' nothing but thinking deep with both tangan kat belakang kepale and all, I guess it may take a while for me to be all active and back to normal; a new 'tersedar' me I guess. 'Thinking' and 'Analyzing' and prolly mend ape2 yang patut, yang dah terbuat, and perhaps, plan and prepare for the future avoiding berlakunya lagi cases like this la kan, I must say, bukannye gonna take masa yang singkat. It's not like "Ok - dah, settle. Habis pikir. Bla bla bla... and LETS!"; no, no, not this time I guess... This time I think it'll might just be like the case menyepi 'kejap' dulu tu tatkala 'no mood' kat Blogdrive dulu tu, remember? Ha, itu sebab mood tiada and such. Berbulan la jugak tu, tup2 pindah sini. But this time, kalau tak selama berbulan tu pun, if 'lama' jugak tu pun, not to worry - bukan pindah blog lah...

With what yang dah berlaku all dalam masa yang, if I may say, masa yang almost serentak - family, work, life, friends, and such, semuanya tau tau nak mai serentak menyerentak bagai! And so kali ini punya 'away', truly, memang betul punya la kot, it may (might/ will/ possibly atau lain2 kata yang sama waktu dengannye) take me a while for me to 'recover' and ber'LETS'2 again. And plus, seadanya tika dan waktu ini, terduduk sejenak (duduk laaagi!) melihat usia pun dah mula dah sampai ujung2 20-an, and so I guess it's about time lah kan, bersesuaian dengan tema keadaan, masa, bulan, waktu and all sebagainya, berduduk2, berpikir2, diam2kan diri sat2, while I sort ALL, things out (mana2 yang boleh di-sort2kan la kan... - dahhh tetiber jadi entry macam main2 la pulak, ish!)

Ok ok, ini la jadinya bile tannak buat entry nih berteraskan konsep 'dari lubuk hati bagaikan the broken toilet bowl bertemankan air mata jatuh menitik2 tap tap tap atas keyboard menagih simpatiew'... ha, kan dah lain jadinye? Hiks! But at least you all know that am not in the 'sh*tty2' feeling ka ape ke; unless if it was 2 3 days ago waktu tgh at the height of losing my mind tu, maybe entry nih jadi serious 100% la kot. But apalah fun-nya entry nih jadi entry serious, ye ke dak? (Ish! Melalut lagi! Gawd! I really need to sleep! HISH!)

OK OK! AS I WAS SAYING...

All things happened for some reasons if not a particular reason, yes? And sometimes, let the reasons tu kita saja yang tahu (mind you lalats; you might wanna double check some facts and stuff before you melalutly melalut, anonymously pulak tu... ish!), and at times, reasons nya tu kita perlu orang2 yang we call friends untuk help us see it through (anddd yes, it's that time for the "Thank you! Thank you!" speech already - my cepatnye dah sampai ke perenggan ni kan?)

Actually, sebenarnye2 la kan, plannye, tak der pun nak compose seperenggan dua tiga yang penuh dengan kata2 'Thanks'/ 'Thank You' segala bagai, sebab through out this entry, dah ada dah pun diselitkan sikit2. Bukan tak being grateful or anything, apatah lagi being disrespectful dan tidak mahu mengenang budi atas ape yang kalian have done to me and/ or for me and all. Cukuplah apalah yang terbuku, sudah I composed in this entry, dan selebihnya, ada dalam parts2 of SMSes and stuff...

Abistu, ape ke pointnye entry melalut panjang lebar bagai nih? Ler, tak melalut la! Betul la apa I said; if I were to go on composing satu per satu, bit by bit, detail by detail segala bagai, berPART PART kang pulak jadinya this entry al-"I'll be away for awhile" nih, kan? And, entry ni bukannya nak cari sapa betul sapa salah tau, awai2 cek habaq nah!

*Coughing coughing* Anyways, dengan demamnya tak baik2, (well actually the demam is ok dah, batuk and flu running nose nak lari pi kemana pun tatau nih jer yang masih melarat...), I bid not 'Goodbye' but simple just 'Sat nah...' - nanti dah ok, dah cool, dah settle, dah alright, kita bersambung2 lagi...

*Ish! Walaupun original plan of the post was not to include the followings, tapi, being me, tetap la nak type jugak... so here goes...

All and all, to those yang seadanye sedar siapakah yang I'm referring to ni... THANK YOU so much for your words yang betul2 lah, kali nih, tikam2 bagi perit and sakit supaya sedar...

And to those yang seadanye yang also knows siapakah diri mereka, yang banyak gave me the space, room to think, breathe and relax, calm myself down, THANK YOU sebab sama2 bersabar with me...

AND to those yang ada salahnya dan silapnya I did sama-ada directly, indirectly, semuanya sekali; I know the phrase "I'm sorry" kadang kada dah tak laku, but this one came sincerely from me. I know it won't undo stuffs yang I did terribly or anything but please know that if I could turn back time and re-do it the right way, I would...



Lalalalala... and of course, to all the anonymous readers yang dah banyak menabur-sharing their thoughts, comments and, how should I say this delicately, luahan-hina-ludahan-keji semua tu, also, thank you. You know who'll be in touch with you pretty soon? HE prefers CASH these days I heard... *Wink wink*

Off suis - click!

PS: Dengan ini dimaklumkan, yang the switching off suis blog nih bukannye permanent ok, tapi skadar dalam tempoh waktu yang I myself kurang pasti berapa lamakah, tapi seagak2nya tak ler lamaaa sangat2; kang sunggoh kang bukak blog baru lagi! Hiks! Sure, in the meantime, I will still be contactable via my e-mail(s), my cell, (Myspace and Friendster pun prolly slow siket kot...); as a matter of fact, I'm just gonna be away for awhile from my blog jer la kot and from the 'huu haa huu haa' life out and all la kot. Other than that, tu jer la. Yer, my 'away-ness' is not a total 'seclusion' from everybody and everything, bende dan binatang yer! If I wanna do that I might as well opt to dress up and be all gloomy like Wynona Ryder dalam citer "Beetlejuice", wearing all black and with veils and funeral gowns and etc.! I'll be fine lah...

Owh and by the way, speaking of gowns and dresses; you've guessed it right - I'm withdrawing from QON2008 atas sebab2 yang tertentu. As a matter of fact, I've withdrawn from the contest dah pun sudah as we speaking2 nih...

Well... till we meet up in the next posting; Assalamualaikum...
Things said...

Mistakes done...

I'm sorry; and THANK YOU too, for everything...
-The End- (for now... hiks!)


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Fish of Pisces @ 5th_E said...  
:)
G for Goddess said...  
yes sundels mek suka uols berfikiran terbuka & want to take things positively. i guess u've matured in many ways... u get there later than someo of us, but at least ur there now. thats all that matters...

err by the way, bilik u semakin mengecil ke atau u yg semakin membesar sundels? matilah honey i blew up the kid!

oh lagi satu, sepanjang u HIATUS ni... nak pi bercuti kat mana? LONDON? ops tetappppp ni mek tak pecaya ko dah withdraw from QON!

u might wonder, which part of YOU'RE NOT COMPETING that i dont understand? the part where u lied! haha siyal tak?
IMAHLENGGOK said...  
SHADAP G!! matilamak* Org dah nak bebaik, hang tak abis-abis lagi nak bagi dia sakit hati kan? Alah...Hangpa tu SAT-SAT saja, satgi baik balik, comolot pastu truih MENGATA kat aku ngan FB pulak kan? matila teka*

******
Yes that's my girl!! Itulah 'maturity' yang mak maksudkan..

-IMAHLENGGOK

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