I've been away... I've been thinking...


to reflect is to purify the soul
Originally uploaded by don2g
So yes, I have been sort of like 'away'/ 'missing' - whatever you wanna call it, for the past few days from my blog, yes? (I'd say 2 to 3 days or so, right?). But honestly, I didn't actually go anywhere to get myself 'away' this time around. I was erm... around, still ok, but most friends said it was funny a bit for I was no where to be seen. As said, I was around, still 'here', but it seems like am not 'here', you know? Like, am not "here" as in "here here" kindda thing, you get what I mean? Hmmm - let me try to simplify things - It's like this. I was lost in transition or something, like in space or something like that, Milky Way prolly? (Die la 'Milkyway' initially was thought to be as a bar of Milky chocolate way...) Hiks!

Anyways, *sigh* may I suggest that erm, you guys just better don't bother much lah about the 1st para above, ya? Ignore it as its not that important, just me and my points, yadey yadey yadey, babbling on and on... with no points, in a para full of points-no-need (points tidak perlu?) which I assumed was caused by the effect from the overly-used brain cells. So, deep breath, relax, ok Nurlea - continue.

I was actually bit too busy gettin' away and doin' a lot of THINKING. And when I'm like, a bit sober from the overheated brain cells or something like that, it came to my senses, I think, that erm, I didn't actually realize that I've missed out a lot of things/ postings (the word 'a lot' refers generally to what I say as, PLENTY...hiks!).

So I guess, ok, prolly many of you guys might jump into the conclusion and think that I was 'away' mainly to think about what happened on January the 2nd, 2008; hate to disappoint you guys but, yeah - it wasn't THAT!!! I wasn't at all putting my thinkin' cap on to that issue, hell no. Well, of course, I have to admit the fact that initially, I was sort of like, disturbed for what had happened early that day. But when a strong good friend strongly hit me on the my head and said a few words (which can be considered as harsh, but knowing him, eh, her, I think, those kindda words are technically norms! Hiks!), I quickly realized that I was making a fool out of myself again for thinkin', or should I say, whining on such puny-sized matter. It was like we were like playing "Door" - I was the door, and that friend of mine was playing the role of SLAMMING the door! Boom! Bam! Youch!!! It hurt me a bit, but only at the beginning because later, just moments afterwards, I was ok already... well, if not 100% ok, I'd say prolly, 85% ok - which was more than a good reason for me to get back and go posting my entries again. Thanks Ginger!

And so I decided to come back normally on the following day, make-believe like nothing happened on the previous day - and to prove that I was all ok and ready, I made up my mind to just say/ convey a brief 'Sorry' note on such babyish act of overly-emo/ touched over a silly matter. It was certainly foolish of me to get all upset for a small issue; and so, I was ready to move along, doing postings like this and that, all in my mind already at that point... until something else happened on January the 3rd, 2008; and THAT kept me canceled my plans on going 'normal' and went back on my 'silensio' mode in my own blog...

So, in that case, erm, what was that 'thing' that happened on January the 3rd, 2008, that made me ponder, and wander, and kept my brains working its 'thinking' function - and which stopped me from blogging again for the past 2, 3 days?

Before I go on, I would first like to quote one of my best friend's answer during her final 5 q&a session at the recent De Royal Collection's Miss World 2007/08 Pageant which landed her as a notable runner-up for the night... (Quoted remark may have some minor 'add-ons' or alterations; FYI - and YES, this has something to do with the whole entry...)
Thank you for the question. In my opinion I would definitely say that courage actually means striving hard for your own ambition, working with full determination towards achieving your ambitions' goals, hopes and dreams; and to accept all challenges for the sake of success - Eva, Miss Puerto Rico/ 1st Runner-up Miss World 2007/08 on what the word courage meant to her...
Beautiful answer - excellent. But Ladies and Gentlemen, wouldn't this fine, short and simple (and altered) definition of 'courage' answer; which technically, in a way, embodies the combinations of pure determinations, self-dedication towards achieving the best in life, and having to go through challenges, obstacles, joys and laughters, sadness and pain, a.k.a. sacrifices and all that, ALSO means that for the sake of success, and achieving your goals and dreams in life, you are willing to sacrifice your family too???

So that got me to REALLY think...

Would one still be called a "Brave" person, for having the ability to stand up and claim the rights to be happy? For striving hard to achieve what one really wants most in life? And of course, enjoys doing it, with passion and interests, for a life with good pay, secured environment, all for one's own 'still-a-long-way-to-go' journey to the future? AND, would one still be considered as being "Brave" if one sacrifices the needs, wantings, and requirements of the family namely the parents? Hurmmm...

OR will one be considered as "ANAK DURHAKA" for doing so?
No, I'm not kidding - common, lets think about it ya. Simply put - would you rather be sad, and disappointed, and lead a sad low life with not much of a future, by rejecting the chance of a lifetime, just to "jaga hati" and make your parents happy because they want you to be near them and asks you to do whatever that is available so long as you are near 'em?

OR

Would you stand up and rebel against your parent's own will and be called "Anak Kurang Ajar" for not following their requests, not following their orders and wantings and all, and furthermore, not taking care of them and their hearts and let them suffer in pain of broken hearts, JUST BECAUSE you're striving for the best thing in life for yourself and your own life, and wanting to achieve what you call it, the second chance in life?

Isn't that something that could let you ponder for days? Sure, "Talk la to your parents; I'm sure they'll understand..." Sure, ever heard of the saying, "Biarpun rambut sama hitam, hati manusia takkan sama?" That goes for the 'perangai' too, don't you think so?

I'm sure, giving up your personal hopes and dreams in life because it clashes with what your parents/ family expects of you, is one big sacrifice in life. True. What more could one ask to be blessed with blessing for doing it for the sake of those who raised you up into this world, true. Very true. So, if life operates this way, then, why should we even bother to acknowledge Miss Puerto Rico/ 1st Runner-up Miss World 2007/08's answer/ definition of the word COURAGE?

Or, again, is it like, the word "COURAGE" also means the ability for you to turn your back away from your family's decision to pursue your life's desire, achieving what it (life) can offer you the best and be happy for the rest of your life? Is that "Courage" or just plain "BIADAP" and you'll ended up rotten in HELL?

PS: For the second time (1st was in the previous/ earlier entry - the January 2nd entry) the opening photo for the entry has definitely got something to do with the entry/ reflects the entry as a whole - "Thinking"...


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Fish of Pisces @ 5th_E said...  
gosh. sticky sgt this condition. May HE show u the right way.

*hugs* speechless sebenarnya coz somehow or other, i know how u're feeling. Just hold on in there.

.... sabar is the only word that I think of at the moment, sebab apa, sabar is sebahagian dari iman. Insya ALLAH HE would give answers soon, never know.
Nurlea Laurielle said...  
What if I get the answer from HIM a little bit TOO late? I mean, well, you know what I mean... Then, is it ok for you to regret and blame HIM for not trying? I doubt blaming HIM would be the ultimate answer but I think what's for sure is that I won't be able to forgive myself for not trying... *Sigh* Life is so COMPLICATED!
passerby-regular said...  
hi nurlea i think people should follow what their heart says. its their own life not anyone anybody else's life, certainly not parents' life.

if parents by then are no longer alive, would u still do what they wanted? or proceed doing the things u like?. at the end of the day u, we children have a longer life span to live compared to our parents and just do what u want in life does not make u a bad egg!
just my 2 cents
eva said...  
Aku tau...dlm situasi ini membuatkan ko dlm dilema antara cita2,impian dan keluarga...memang i've been there once...and aku turutkan kata mereka dlm segala2nyer dr lepas sekolah lg...u see what i am now?...this is the result that i have to accept for not being able to stand on myself...bkn utk derhaka tp utk berdiri atas kaki sendiri.....diorang tk menyesal, tp aku yg menyesal...krn dulu tak ikut kedegilan aku utk amik law degree....dan skrg, aku yg dipersalahkan bila 'business administration' org tak pandang....tp tu sume dah berlalu krn insiden tahun 2007 dimana ku keraskan hatiku jua krn mahu menjadi diriku dan bukan org lain......biarlah ape diorang nak kate...aku tak kisah diorang nak kutuk kerja aku pun....yg penting, bila diorang dah takde nanti, aku yg tanggung diri sendiri...masa depan yg mereka cube corakkan, aku tak berapa setuju...senario dunia tak mcm dulu....syg mereka masih ditakuk lame....dan i'm very proud now coz i can stand on my two feet tanpa menyusahkan diorang...and i earn more that org yg kerja gomen 10 tahun....TAPI AKU BUKAN NAK SURUH KO DERHAKA, CUME UTK FIKIRKAN SITUASI NI....FOR UR INFORMATION,KDG2 KITA KENA TEGAS...TP BIAR KENA CARANYER LA....UP TO U TO DECIDE....ITS NOW OR NEVER...
Jati said...  
Being a son (eh ke daughter? mati lah awal2 Jati bercomment dah konpius) is close to being a worker. And when you “work” with love, you bind yourself to yourself, others and God.

“Do you love yourself more than others?”
If you ask ur mommy, without hesitate she’ll say “There is nothing left for me, I am like a ruby held in the sunrise, transparent and my life is not mine. That is way I am so protective".

Sometimes, we often break into spontaneous praise while sitting on our bed. We cry and praise until our lips grew sweet and tired.

“Have you ever gotten any response?” Don’t stop praising because this longing is the return message. Sometimes God wants you to deny your desire, so you will learn to understand how to give up self- interest. Don’t grieve, anything you lose comes around in another form. InsyaAllah.

I wish I could write more meaningful words to ease your pain……tapi dah tak de idea dan Jati nak bercomment on ur new entry tuh….

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